I got bored and decided to type up the Fairytale the boys (and Heather) made up in Episode 16. So without further ado, here is: The Green Giant Flies Away.

***

“*yawns* *cock-a-doodle-doo!* *bark-bark-bark* *cluck-cluck* *moooo*” said Tony. 

He was all alone in a little dusty shack in the middle of a plane and he had no friends. He was green, but he had an imagination, and that imagination carried him further than any child had ever gone before. It carried him to the top of the tallest mountain, the bottom of the lowest mountain, and the middle of the lowest mountain. Sometimes lakes, but he had one dream. Stick with me. His dream—don’t laugh—was to fly away. 

“I wanna fly away.” said Tony. “I wanna fly to the moon and the stars and the sky beyond the stars.” 

So Tony contacted a local DJ who was running a contest: “Name the song and you can fly away.” But Tony said, “I don’t know nothing about songs. I’ve been stuck in this dusty town forever.” 

That’s over 40 years, in dog years. Which was about 40 divided by 7…carry the two… But I digress. And I’m bad at math. 

The song came on the radio and Tony instantly knew it. It was the song that his grandmother used to sing to him that went like this: “You Lamaze* …to love everybody…” 

*ring ring ring* “Are you the fifth caller? What’s your name?” 

“Tony. I know the name of that song. Wanna hear it? The name of the song is ‘I’ll Teach You To Fly.’” 

And he was right. He was the winner. He went down to the station to collect his flying prize. “I wonder what this is gonna come in…a box, a dream, a Les Paul guitar?” 

That was it! It was in a Les Paul guitar. Two thousand dollars and a pill that he could take which would allow him to get high. 

The DJ said, “Man, you’re not really gonna take that pill right here, are you? Because we don’t have insurance.” But he did anyway. 

But it wasn’t the pill that made him fly, it was the gasoline. Someone had poured gasoline inside the body of the guitar and with one match, he exploded into space! He went farther than the Pluto, which is no longer a planet. He looked at his skin, it was slowly turning green and then peeling off, revealing muscle underneath. He was turning into the Invisible Man! And the Green Giant. He was the Invisible Green Giant Man. 

He looked at himself and said, “If I’m invisible, how is anyone gonna know I’m a giant? Or flying? Now no one will believe me!” 

So he began to cry space tears, but in space no one can hear you cry.

*This says Lamaze because I have no idea what the fuck Heather says and that’s the only thing that sounded remotely similar to it.