I did it again lmfao. These are too much fun NOT to type up.

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The Pig, The Cow, and Yesterday Evening

Yesterday night was one of the coldest nights we’ve ever had in Iowa. It was so cold, the pigs got in blankets and became like actually piggies in a blanket. It was just that cold. The cows were so cold, they tipped themselves over. They didn’t have the heat to stand up. The horses were rather comfortable and warm, not a problem. 

Mr. Cow decided to go out on this cold night because he was a cow and he was a mister. Hey, time to hit the town and moo a little something up. He had a favorite bar he used to go to called “Farmer Utters Hangin’ Thing”. The place had just opened, they were still working on the name. But that was the place to be for one reason, and one reason only: lots of pigs. That’s where pigs and cows got together and made sweet, passionate love. Pigs were known as the sluts of the barnyard family and most bars strictly forbid cow on pig action. But not this one. Open ‘til 6 am, and closed at 6:05 and we serve vegetarian breakfast and have cowaoke. *Mooooooo. They’re not booing, they’re mooing.* Cowaoke. 

Mr. Cow was sitting by the bar when she walked in. She was a little squealer. She had a curly little tail and a pink tutu. It was Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy saw Mr. Cow from across the bar and right away, sparks seemed to erupt because she’d backed up into the radiator. 

“OH NO! Oh bon cher, mon derrierre est tres chaud!” she said. The smell of bacon filled the room. 

Mr. Cow looked at his friend and said, “Watch this.” Then he manipulated his utter, which was strange because he was a male cow. Miss Piggy couldn’t help but be impressed. She was under his spell. His milk was not only white and delicious, but thick, like a shake. 

As their eyes met, they moved slowly across the room towards each other. He said, “My milkshake brings all the pigs to the yard.”